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Alvin Donovan Verbal and Psychological Rapport Alvin Donovan Through his seminar presentations Alvin Donovan has been able to meet and interview some of the most successful people in the world. What Alvin Donovan has discovered is that they all have a number of things in common which make them more successful than the rest. In this article Alvin Donovan shares some of the key secrets to verbal and psychological rapport. Alvin Donovan Verbal and Psychological Rapport Alvin Donovan has presented seminars in many different countries and this has given him the opportunity to meet and interview some of the most successful people in the world. What Alvin Donovan has discovered is that they all are able to instantly garner verbal and psychological rapport with other and make themselves more successful than the rest. They are strategies you can use easily and naturally to begin to Make More Money NOW: Verbal and psychological rapport 1. Rapport on the verbal and psychological level. Use this information to: * understand the language your brain uses to communicate with itself. * use representational systems to gain deeper rapport. * increase your flexibility in being able to "talk the other persons language". * greatly lower resistance to your thoughts and ideas. * what the eyes tell us about the way a person thinks and speaks. * why to avoid "active listening" and what to do instead. * how pacing and leading works at a deeper level to achieve what you want. * use the 100 + 1% rule. * additional verbal techniques you can use to establish instant rapport. What are our Representational systems?: Our representational system creates for us a map or model of reality. This reality is very individual to us. As information comes into our brain, it does so through our representational systems. They are: 1. Visual- what we see. 2. Auditory- what we hear. 3. Kinesthetic- what we feel. 4. Criteria list- what we think. 5. Gustatory/olfactory- what we smell and taste. The reason they are called representational systems is because these five senses represent reality to us inside our own heads. Weird as it may seem, we really do not operate on "pure reality", or what really is out there. We actually operate on our map or model of "reality" which is based on how we represent that information to ourselves. In other words, how we used our five senses to take the information in and store it. Our representation of reality comes in initially through our five `senses and then goes through some filters. Thus, what we have are individuals who are communicating with each other in sort of a code. When you can unlock this, they will believe you understand them. And in fact, you will be understanding them better. When you match someone's way of coding information verbally by using words from the rep system that they are using at the time, they do not have to re-code what you have said into the system that makes sense for them. Also, you assist the person to attain the next step of their process by keeping out of their way and acknowledging them. As we have understood earlier, the brain uses the five senses to make sense out of, that is represent, information that it picks up. For the purposes of using this information with people, the three main ways of coding information you will be exposed to are: 1. Visual 2. Auditory 3. Kinesthetic In addition, it is important to know there is one other important coding system. It is called the criteria list system is useful to learn when eliciting strategies. Criteria Lists is a representation system of its own, has words, meaning for itself, submodalities in a format. It has seeing, hearing or feeling components to it. It has to do with making sense, forming a logic, patterns, priorities, lists, etc. One way to determine if a word is Criteria Lists is to determine whether it could fit into more than one coding system or if the person is making lists of important things. If it can then it is Criteria Lists. For example: the word understand. Can you understand something you see? Sure. Can you understand something you hear? Sure. How about can you understand something you feel? Sure. Because this word, understand, fits more than one system, it is Criteria Lists. Here is a easy way for you to learn this well. Beside each of the phrases below, write a (V) for visual, (A) for auditory, and a (K) for kinesthetic or (CL) for Criteria Lists, to indicate which rep system is presupposed by the phrase. I see now shakes me up too loud for me brilliant example argue with me pretty picture evaluate criteria a tender moment hot idea quiet please soft sell an oversight utter a word rings a bell observe closely bright idea pretty view logical tone it down move back I hear you set our view makes sense chime in solid idea branch out touches me deeply understand completely Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Criteria Lists See Hear Feel Logical Aim Say Sting Organize Dark Talk Sharp Express Sketch Yell Fumble Evaluate View Rasp Cool Feedback Glow Sing Balanced Explain Portray Babble Shocking Ponder Bright Whine Merge Select Scan Tone Bumpy Rational Vision Boom Bend Cooperate Hazy Chime Throw Interact Dull Snore Rough Understand Color Music Grab Teach Show Describe Tension Reward Cloudy Loud Push Plan Watch Clatter Reach Relate Light Aloud Connect Sense Reflect Shrill Jarring Dim Verbalize Link Observe Clang Cram Pretty Squawk Tackle Visible Debate Pack Hide Utter Shuffle Focus Shriek Unite Brilliant Hiss Catch Oversight Resounding Strain Diagram Tell Sharp Look Discuss Compress Picture Phrase Warm Blind Purr Shoulder Clear Call Grasp Zooming Chant Stick Image Noise Solid Foggy Listen Shape Sight Ring Hard Survey Voice Soft Glare Scream Handle Reveal Sound Fall Shine Shout Cut Spotless Speak Lift Draw Tune Strain What do the eyes tell us about the representational systems used? Another way to naturally understand what representation systems someone is using is to look where there eyes move. In general- as you look at a person: When their eyes move up and to the right or left they are seeing pictures or visually accessing. When their eyes move from side to side they are hearing sounds or auditory accessing. If they move their eyes down and to the left they are having feelings or accessing kintestetically. If they move their eyes down and to the right they are thinking about what is important to them or accessing criteria lists. The brain has "hard wired" into its system, these eye movements. They are not the same for all people everywhere. Sometimes however you will encounter individuals who when they look down and to the right are accessing criteria list and when they look down and left criteria lists. In real life, it is very elementary to elicit these cues from people by asking certain presupposition questions. i.e. for visual remember you may ask "What color is your car?" and calibrate the various accessing cues employed to respond. What is the use of this information? Begin to train your brain to immediately calibrate these sequences of subtle eye movements and verbal presuppositions and based on those to respond with the appropriate choice of sequences of rep systems. That is right, you mirror the verbal presuppositions as well as the eye movement clues to establish even deeper rapport. In fact, what you also do is watch the sequence of the representations they go through. For example, if they visually access, then auditory access and then kinesthetically access right after that, what you want to do is to mirror that sequence back in what you say to them. You would use a visual word followed by a auditory word followed by a kinesthetic word. Remember- Within rapport anything is possible out of rapport nothing is possible. 1. Make sure you always have an outcome in mind when using these techniques. It makes your aim sharper and you will not fall prey to the rapport that you created. 2. When you are deeply in rapport and you pay attention to how you feel inside, begin to realize that how you feel inside is how they are feeling inside also. Make sure you use this and begin to naturally achieve your outcome. What you can do is to deeply go into a bonded state with the other person and to proceed to put yourself into a state of extreme desire. To do this you can think of the time when you were the most desirous you have ever been in your life. Amplify that feeling and increase it 10X now. 3. The deeper you want your rapport to be: A. Pace more behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, rep systems, etc. B. Make your movements at the same time they do. (lead up to this) 4. To test for rapport: change your behavior. When they follow you, you are in rapport and may lead them to your outcome. If not, go back now and get them. 5. When you mirror the persons predicates, physiology, voice and speak at their rate of breathing your message becomes irresistible because it is like their own unconscious is speaking to them. 6. All of this will truly only work when employed with total honesty, integrity and congruence. Your product or service must actually be the right one and of benefit to the client. It must be a win win situation for both of you for this system to work. Also, if a customer is dissatisfied they may tell 100 people whereas a satisfied client will tell 3-5 people. How to mirror verbal responses Can you now understand why techniques like "active listening" does not work for our purposes. If your answer was that a person is precise about what they say based on the way they organize their rep systems, you were right. Here is an even easier way to make sure you immediately begin to use the right rep system. This technique is rather similar to active listening however it differs in one significant way. Instead of paraphrasing some one else words, you say the exact words they say. The way it is done is that you simply choose some of the words the person says and say them back. This needs to be done artfully or you will offend the person. Used subtly, this is very powerful. Another great side benefit of this is that what you say back will reinforce that thought in the other persons mind. Use this carefully then, and you will automatically remain in the same rep system that the person you're matching is in and you'll be able to selectively reinforce thoughts that you want to reinforce in their mind. Pacing moods, opinions and beliefs Pacing moods is an extremely effective way of gaining rapport rapidly. If someone is in a bad mood you want to pace that mood and then gently lead them out of it. Make sure that you do not compromise yourself when you pace opinions and beliefs. No matter what a person believes, there will always be something about that belief or opinion that you can feel comfortable in pacing, even if it is only a tiny percent of the entire opinion or belief that was expressed. Bonding 1. A major human "pre-wired" need you are born with which exists in everybody. 2. People seek bonding as a normal process all of the time. 3. The experience of bonding is one of the most fulfilling experiences possible. 4. How we know we are bonded is to compare our current feeling to the "bonded feeling". 5. Familiarity and sameness in terms of beliefs, attitudes and values (criteria). 6. People do not realize when bonding is happening, they only realize it after the bond is formed. 7. People are not usually aware of being bonded, they are normally aware of the dis-ease of being in a not bonded condition. What are the steps to bonding? 1. Very deep rapport first. 2. Attentiveness and responsive. 3. Confession- I am not perfect, I am just like you and went through a lot of tough times . 4. Show emotion (appropriately). 5. You must show them your heart. Show them you love them and then you are invincible. Let them experience something of the real you and take a piece of you away with them. 6. Fall in love with them on an unlimited and unconditional basis. Tell and demonstrate that you love them. Must do these things genuinely and with congruence. 7. Use examples from your real life. 8. Multiple examples of the above will intensify the bonding and will give them the most profound experience ever and totally and completely change their lives. 9. Do it with your clients now and become amazed at the results. Now so far you have been able to come to grips with the idea of mirroring and this is something that with practice will easily put into daily practice. These are skills that you are readily able to learn fast and pick up quickly. What you need to do is focus on doing just one thing a day over and over again until it becomes second nature. When you use this in your daily life and are using this frequently in your interactions will allow you to become more successful. As that happens obviously you will make more money now. Alvin Donovan, founder of the investment bank KiwiGrowthPartners.com, has presented his Make More Money NOW seminars all around the world and has co-authored a book of the same title. Alvin Donovan has also been a consultant/faculty member for several of the world’s largest management institutes, including the American Management Association and the National Management Association in the USA, the Management Centre Europe in Belgium, and IMI in Dublin For further comment contact: Alvin Donovan – mob: 0211 08 44 82 http://www.kiwigrowthpartners.com Alvin Donovan reserves all rights to the use of Alvin Donovan material and Alvin Donovan gives no permission to use Alvin Donovan material or Alvin Donovan brand ### View all alvin donovan's articles About the Author: |
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Alvin Donovan Verbal and Psychological Rapport Alvin Donovan
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