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The church over all, faced with issues such as divorce, abortion, sperm banks, single women becoming pregnant through the use of in vitro fertilization, homosexuality, and cohabitation, is being forced out of it's comfort zone on the message of "the traditional family unit". The church sputters with delivering a balanced message of marriage and singleness while both status are given equal significance in the scriptures.
In 1957, 96% of all Americans who were of legal age to marry, were married. Of the 4% of single adults who remained, the single men were considered by society to be too immature to marry, and the single women were considered by society to be undesirable marriage prospects. The message of the church on marriage and birth was unchallenged in a society that reflected the same message. Now in 2007, the concept of adult relationships in our society has changed and varies radically, while the basic message of "marriage" and "birth" in the church has remained constant with it's 1957 concept. The window dressings of the church message has changed somewhat, but remains
constant to it's 1957 teachings. Since 1957, overall church attendance has decreased in North America by 35%, with the Canadian church (based on it's current rate of declining attendance), facing extinction in 50 years. Since 1957, the number of single adults in North America has increased by 36% of the overall population.
While many churches are awakening to realize the need for some form of single-adult ministry, today, only 13% of all churches offer events for single-adults, and of those 13% churches, for many it is nothing more than a once a year special event. Only 2.6% of churches offering some form of singles activity, are viewed to have effective single adult ministries ("effective" being defined as a ministry that is growing and attracting new single adults to the church).
Many of the church communities struggle with myths that singleness is a punishment, and marriage is a higher calling; single-adults have a higher sex drive than married adults; singles ministries are nothing more than a "meat-shop"; singles are pre-occupied with finding a spouse; singles are lonelier than married people; and that single adults are too immature to marry or there's something terribly "wrong" with them. In churches were these myths exist, many single adults are left feeling the need to be married to be "okay", and in a state of prolonged feeling like the odd person out, they end up
leaving the church community for the non-church community which readily accepts them as they are.
In 2006, less than 20% of single adults attended Christian church services or church programmed activity. Single men are less likely (15%) to attend a church meeting than women (23%). While at the same time, 54% of all single adults claim to have a personal faith in Jesus Christ. 66% of all single adults have reached the place where they believe the church community no longer has anything to offer them.
With such raging changes to church demographics, when one looks at the traditional family unit (non-divorced husband and wife with children) in the church community, this group has dwindled to a mere 27% of church families. 47% of church families are now blended families. 14.5% of church families are now headed up by single parents. 11.5 % are headed up by those in common-
law relationships.
We live in a day and age where the church as an institution needs to be a beacon that draws people in from the cold. What we have is an institution that's driving people away, by an inflexibility in the thinking of it's leaders and parishioners. Not all churches fit this mold, as some are making
serious headway in being a church community that's all inclusive.
There are some steps a church can take in becoming more single adult friendly. From the pulpit and lecture stands, learn to reference your attendees with a language that includes both marrieds and singles equally. Start to speak to your congregation in a manner that places equal significance on being married and being single. In time, the mind set of the congregation will echo this thought pattern.
In planning single adult functions, it's important for the church to remember that scripture teaches the church not to take sides or show preferential treatment. In the case of single adults, in event planning, do not differentiate between single mom's and single fathers. Differentiating creates the appearance of a church showing preference, when many divorcees have come through hurtful divorces where all their old friends from "married days" also ended up also taking sides. (Divorcee's loose 93% of their former friends during the period of a marriage separation and legal divorce
proceedings.) Churches that run activities such as, banquets, or clothes closets, or oil change days for single mom's, indirectly send a message to single fathers, the church is not there for them, nor is it willing to recognize or support single fathers as being single parents. The end result, single fathers walk away from the church feeling unsupported and unwanted. In fact, many single fathers have reported this to be a form of a "condemnation" message on the part of the church. The number one reason why male divorcees leave the church is due to experiencing forms of condemnation from within the church leadership or community.
Some churches believe single men should have male friends before they start dating again. Divorcees are, as a result of many of their marital break-up conflicts, hyper-sensitive to acts of manipulation, and as such, find being manipulated in their social life, by the church, as being treated like a child and offensive. Create a friendly environment that enables people to meet each other naturally.
About the Author:
James C. Tanner of http://www.silent-wonder.com, and ofhttp://www.whats-he-like.com is a retired entrepreneur, a former special investigator, and a published writer whose articles and written comments are enjoyed by 12.5 million readers monthly.
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Single Adults And The Church..Are They Compatible?
